Home > you and me > you and me – POSTCARD #37

you and me – POSTCARD #37

Postcard #37 was sent in by the freeaaakin’ genius of Misti Rainwater-Lites. You should read everything she writes. You really should. She’s fucking awesome. Just look at the card she sent me.

give until gone


Your mum slops a can of pork beans upside down into a saucepan for your birthday breakfast. The sucking, slurping sound is like an alien being born. Or aborted. My dad’s face gets tight when I say things like this. He used to think I was funny until your mum started crying.

I crunch my Fruit Loops and say nothing. After the beans she makes you a birthday cake.

A cherry cake for my Cherry girl!

I blow up balloons for the party because I’m old enough to help. The kids arrive but not many and their parents stay. Some of them stare at my old Snow White costume, especially the part where my boobs press up at the top. Your mum squints at me in her silver eye- shadow as I pop a cherry in my mouth.

None of the dads here are your real dad. So when the cake is cut you cry. My dad looks at his watch and gets his mobile out.

Then the clown arrives and he is creepy as fuck so you start crying harder and run to your mum burying your face in her skirt. She smoothes your hair but pushes your head over to her thigh so your face isn’t in her crotch. I go and swipe a couple of Winstons from her drawer and find her book with all the drawings. One’s a close up of a vagina and it has words and lines pointing to stuff like the clitoral head and outer labia. I take three Winstons and go back outside. Your face is back in her pubis mound and my Dad is trying to tell jokes over your wailing. The clown has already gone and it isn’t long before the other kids take their lolly-bags and leave too.

  1. October 5, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    I LOVE IT. We must collaborate again. Freakin’ YUM.

    • October 5, 2010 at 4:07 pm

      Anytime. It was indeed delicious. Thanks for playing with me.

  2. October 5, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Good job.

    Winston always makes me think of 1984, which makes me think of Victory Gin, which serves as a fnord–I see the word ‘Victory Cigs’ instead. Appropriate, as this was full of win.

    • October 6, 2010 at 5:26 pm

      Thanks for the kudos. Speaking of full of win, I love your site.

  1. October 5, 2010 at 3:58 pm

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